After the incident I talked about in my previous post, things got back to normal for the rest of the morning. In hindsight, I guess I should have taken pictures, but I was near insanity when it all went down. Anyway, it wasn't until later in the afternoon that things got back to being bad again.
I was putting all the dirty clothes in laundry bags so that I could take them downstairs. The bags get pretty heavy, so I throw two of them over my shoulder and basically pinball my way through doorways. When I get to the basement stairs, I toss the bags down the stairs. Simple, right?
All the bags are filled, and I throw two over my shoulder and I begin to teeter and walk quickly through the the archway of the kitchen. I speed along to the other side of the kitchen and take a step down into the back door foyer, this is where I was ambushed by a single tinker toy.
My first step down into the foyer that leads to the back door and the basement door was unto a round blue tinker toy stick. I lost my balance immediately and dropped one bag, which flew downstairs as planned. However, the other bag was still draped over my back and was causing extra weight to fall backwards. I don't know about you, but falling backwards down a flight of stairs is not my idea of a good time. I quickly turned and flung the other bag off my shoulder and let it fall to the ground. I am now almost ready to tumble backwards towards the stairs, so I start clawing for anything to save myself. My left hand catches the molding of the doorway, and my right hand first grabs a plastic shopping bag that was handing on a hook. Nope, that's not going to cut it, so I claw again and this time I grab the big rolling bin that holds the dog food. It rolls, but catches a little bit of the right molding of the doorway. I think I'm all good now and quickly heave myself back up, that's when the bin slides over just enough to roll over the first step and begin a thunderous ride down the stairs. This all happened in a matter of seconds too, so you can imagine the chaos...shit flying everywhere.
I turned and winced a bit as I watched it bounce down, it actually turned completely once and stayed shut and I thought it would be okay. I wasn't so lucky, as soon as it hit the last step, the top flew open and the dog food went flying like Pedigree fireworks. I just stared at it for a few minutes. I'll be honest, I wanted to cry a little bit. I laughed instead and just shook my head.
I'm now downstairs, hooking up the shop vac when I hear the feet start running towards the stairs to see what happened. They see me connecting hoses and getting ready to vacuum dog food bits that have flown everywhere and I look up at them.
"This all happened because you left your toys on the floor in the kitchen!"
I get blank stares and no comment until Madison finally looks down at the mess and starts shaking her head in disgust. She then crosses her arms and says "Mommy is NOT going to be happy when she gets home and sees this mess...Daddy."
Unbelievable.
6/20/11
Four Words
I posted something on Facebook the other day, and this is more complete description of how my day began on June, 17 2011.
"Daddy! AJ did something."
I awoke suddenly, I must have fallen back to sleep after Tina left for work. As I'm trying to open my eyes, I mutter to Madison who is looking at me with worry laced excitement. "What did he do?"
"He wrote all over the couch with a green crayon!"
"What!!! AJaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
Any sleep left in my body, was quickly and harshly shaken and now anger and terror of what I was about to walk into was rushing through me. I jumped out of bed, literally...you know, like those martial arts guys who spring to their feet after they get knocked to the ground? Madison booked it quickly out to the living room. She knows what's about to happen, and as always she wants a front row seat to the action. I get to the hallway and head directly into the bathroom. Can't yell at kids with a full bladder, you know? I could hear Madison faintly giving AJ a speech that went something like "AJ, you know you're not supposed to do that, and now you're in so much trouble! Why did you do that? You know you're not supposed to use the crayons!" Remember that part, its important later.
I finish in the bathroom, and head out to see the damage. AJ is standing in the corner, awaiting whatever wrath he knows is coming. Madison kindly directs me to the crime scene with her hands waving. I look at the couch and about a third of it is covered in dark green crayon. Not just lines drawn, he actually colored pieces of the couch AND cushions completely. Oh, and in case you're wondering, we have a light tan micro fiber couch and love seat combo in which the seat cushions cannot be removed. Yeah, holy shit is right.
It is at this time that I close my eyes and look to the ceiling. I felt the enamel on my teeth begin to crack from how hard I was clenching my teeth. I sound then came out of my mouth, I'm not sure what kind of sound it was. If guess if you combined a dog whimper and the sound you make when you're constipated and trying to squeeze something out, then you'd get the sound I made.
"What did you dooooo AJ!!! Why do you have a crayon! Didn't Mommy tell you you're never to have anything to write with ever, again? Look what you did to the couch!"
Yes, this all came out in one large statement, in which AJ. now with a look of complete terror on his face simply said "I'm sorry." Well, that obviously wasn't going to be good enough for me so I sent him to his room...forever. I was approaching that point where I might just start laughing hysterically and throwing furniture, children, dogs, appliances in every direction. Therefore, I just sent him away while screaming reprimands of what he should and should not be doing. During this period of freakout, Madison is standing safely in the distance shaking her head. I'm surprised she didn't have a bucket of popcorn with her.
AJ is crying in his room, temporarily ashamed of what he did. I get the spray stain remover and go to town on the couch and cushions, praying...sweating...cursing under my breath. AJ then comes out of the room and asks if he's done in time out, I repeat that he's going to be in there forever. He runs to his bed and starts wailing out a cry that not only isn't sincere, but signals that fact that he's forgotten the initial crime. I then go and get the carpet cleaner out of the closet.
"Daddy, what's that?" AJ says very happily (see, he wasn't truly sorry, he was just waiting for something else to turn his attention to.) I said not to worry about it and go back to bed. Again, more fake crying. I have to fill up the tank with water, add detergent...wait, no more detergent? SHIT! Oh well, going to see if that stain spray is as good as it says it is. I then switch it on and the loud roar is actually a pleasure to my ears as it blocks the sound of any child's voice within earshot. I use the little attachment and begin relentless scrubbing, rinsing, and sucking the couch and cushions. It took me about a half hour to get everything clean.
When I turn off the cleaner, I look to see that Madison and AJ have forgotten everything and are jumping off their beds in the bedroom. At this point I'm too tired to tell them what they are doing is dangerous, and start putting the machine away. As I'm cleaning out the tank, I ask AJ where he got the crayons from. Madison immediately answers for him and says "I got it for him, but I didn't know that he would do that though." Wait, what the hell? You did what?
She knew...SHE KNEW she was not to get him any sort of writing object. This little girl scolded her brother for using the crayon that she provided for him, knowing that she wasn't supposed to give it to him at all. I can't prove it, but I swear I think she set him up! Needless to say, my scolding was not over yet and I let her have a few choice words also. I stopped just short of saying that I was going to burn every writing object in the house in the fire pit and roast marshmallows over the fire that it creates. Yeah, I was pretty mad.
It was one of the worst morning ever, and things could only get better, right?
WRONG!
"Daddy! AJ did something."
I awoke suddenly, I must have fallen back to sleep after Tina left for work. As I'm trying to open my eyes, I mutter to Madison who is looking at me with worry laced excitement. "What did he do?"
"He wrote all over the couch with a green crayon!"
"What!!! AJaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
Any sleep left in my body, was quickly and harshly shaken and now anger and terror of what I was about to walk into was rushing through me. I jumped out of bed, literally...you know, like those martial arts guys who spring to their feet after they get knocked to the ground? Madison booked it quickly out to the living room. She knows what's about to happen, and as always she wants a front row seat to the action. I get to the hallway and head directly into the bathroom. Can't yell at kids with a full bladder, you know? I could hear Madison faintly giving AJ a speech that went something like "AJ, you know you're not supposed to do that, and now you're in so much trouble! Why did you do that? You know you're not supposed to use the crayons!" Remember that part, its important later.
I finish in the bathroom, and head out to see the damage. AJ is standing in the corner, awaiting whatever wrath he knows is coming. Madison kindly directs me to the crime scene with her hands waving. I look at the couch and about a third of it is covered in dark green crayon. Not just lines drawn, he actually colored pieces of the couch AND cushions completely. Oh, and in case you're wondering, we have a light tan micro fiber couch and love seat combo in which the seat cushions cannot be removed. Yeah, holy shit is right.
It is at this time that I close my eyes and look to the ceiling. I felt the enamel on my teeth begin to crack from how hard I was clenching my teeth. I sound then came out of my mouth, I'm not sure what kind of sound it was. If guess if you combined a dog whimper and the sound you make when you're constipated and trying to squeeze something out, then you'd get the sound I made.
"What did you dooooo AJ!!! Why do you have a crayon! Didn't Mommy tell you you're never to have anything to write with ever, again? Look what you did to the couch!"
Yes, this all came out in one large statement, in which AJ. now with a look of complete terror on his face simply said "I'm sorry." Well, that obviously wasn't going to be good enough for me so I sent him to his room...forever. I was approaching that point where I might just start laughing hysterically and throwing furniture, children, dogs, appliances in every direction. Therefore, I just sent him away while screaming reprimands of what he should and should not be doing. During this period of freakout, Madison is standing safely in the distance shaking her head. I'm surprised she didn't have a bucket of popcorn with her.
AJ is crying in his room, temporarily ashamed of what he did. I get the spray stain remover and go to town on the couch and cushions, praying...sweating...cursing under my breath. AJ then comes out of the room and asks if he's done in time out, I repeat that he's going to be in there forever. He runs to his bed and starts wailing out a cry that not only isn't sincere, but signals that fact that he's forgotten the initial crime. I then go and get the carpet cleaner out of the closet.
"Daddy, what's that?" AJ says very happily (see, he wasn't truly sorry, he was just waiting for something else to turn his attention to.) I said not to worry about it and go back to bed. Again, more fake crying. I have to fill up the tank with water, add detergent...wait, no more detergent? SHIT! Oh well, going to see if that stain spray is as good as it says it is. I then switch it on and the loud roar is actually a pleasure to my ears as it blocks the sound of any child's voice within earshot. I use the little attachment and begin relentless scrubbing, rinsing, and sucking the couch and cushions. It took me about a half hour to get everything clean.
When I turn off the cleaner, I look to see that Madison and AJ have forgotten everything and are jumping off their beds in the bedroom. At this point I'm too tired to tell them what they are doing is dangerous, and start putting the machine away. As I'm cleaning out the tank, I ask AJ where he got the crayons from. Madison immediately answers for him and says "I got it for him, but I didn't know that he would do that though." Wait, what the hell? You did what?
She knew...SHE KNEW she was not to get him any sort of writing object. This little girl scolded her brother for using the crayon that she provided for him, knowing that she wasn't supposed to give it to him at all. I can't prove it, but I swear I think she set him up! Needless to say, my scolding was not over yet and I let her have a few choice words also. I stopped just short of saying that I was going to burn every writing object in the house in the fire pit and roast marshmallows over the fire that it creates. Yeah, I was pretty mad.
It was one of the worst morning ever, and things could only get better, right?
WRONG!
